NOT a walk in the park...

Some of you may know about the relationship I have with my dog Reggie. In short, I believe he is perfect; handsome, funny, sensitive - basically if he were a human man I would probably leave Brian for him. But, we have had a large rift in our relationship this summer caused by his misbehavior on walks.

Here's the deal. I decided this summer that I need to take him on walks. According to the dog whisperer, walks are imperative to keeping a healthy and happy dog. And, I really wanted to get walking for myself too, to get healthier (and happier), and I thought having a little companion would bring lots of good fun. I was wrong.

First of all, he can be a total wimp on walks. Oh he starts out all guts and glory on the walks, pulling on the leash so hard he's wheezing and carrying on from the lack of oxygen he's receiving. But at about mile one, there is a marked change in attitude. He falls behind, he's panting, sometimes he just lays down. Unbelievable! I have to constantly give him pep talks and tell him that he can make it...then he speeds up a little to catch up with me only to fall behind again. The first two times we walked I thought I was going to have to pick up his 55 pound body and walk it back to the car. He was that pathetic. Now I know that he has short legs and I am aware also that his muscles need to be conditioned just like ours do. But I kind of think we have a pansy of a dog. But this isn't my biggest problem.

No, my biggest problem on walks is much worse. After a few walks Reggie decided he is king of the trail. We have a very nice trail to walk or bike on here in Warsaw (we actually have several) that opened up last year. And the great thing is that lots of people use it. And the bad thing (for us) is that lots of people use it, and Reggie has decided that he is the great defender of the path. It is SO EMBARRASSING. Now, this is the dog that loves all people, that would lick a person to death. But on that path, he hates everyone almost equally. He barks or growls at people walking by. And the biggest threat to Reggie are the bicyclists. Oh how those anger and upset him. Lovely people, out enjoying the fresh air, aggressively lunged at and attacked by a dog with short legs. Oh the shame he brings down on our household. And me, all the while, begging him, "be good, Reggie, be good" or "No Reggie, NO!" (said in an authoritative whisper). Little children pull over on their bikes when they see him coming, small children in strollers scream, adults on bikes apologize to me for angering my dog. So embarrassing! I WANT TO BE THE PACK LEADER DANG IT!!! So our walks would end with me frustrated and angry, yelling at him that he was never going on a walk with me again. (But then he would look at me so excitedly the next time I put my walking shoes on and I couldn't bear the heartache of not taking him.) So I wasn't walking very regularly because the whole thing had become a big disaster.

But there is hope in this tale. I happened to find an offhand comment by someone on a blog I was reading last week that suggested that for poor dog behavior one should carry a tin filled with quarters. Shake it in their face when they display the bad behavior and it should make them discontinue. I decided it was worth a shot. (And for all the animal rights activists who do not approve of this method, it is better than me kicking him square in the jaw which I was seriously tempted to do on many occasions.) So, I filled my little tin with spare change and before our walk that evening, I gave it a test shake. Reggie winced and ran behind Brian's legs for protection. I took that as a good sign. Off we went on our walk. Yes, I looked like a crazy lady, walking my dog and shaking a noisy tin in his face while yelling at him. Half way through the walk he seemed to be reconsidering lunging at innocent passers by. The tin was working. But to be sure, I took him on a second walk with the tin. Here is the measure of success. There is a kind looking lady, with a basket on the front of her bike, that is always riding her bicycle on the path no matter what time Reggie and I go for a walk. And he always lunges and barks at her. As we approached her, I became short of breath, my heart racing, whispering to Reggie to "please be good." As we passed he did not react at all to her...and she yelled out, "GOOD DOG!" Which affirmed two things: 1. My dog has a bad reputation, 2. The tin is a success!

The tin is successful enough that I am thinking of carrying one with me at all times. Who wouldn't stop doing whatever it is that's annoying me if I shook a can full of quarters in their face? And as for Reggie and me? Well, I think we're ready to go on another walk.