It's hard to know how to report on the marriage retreat. I left feeling really warm and contented. It was such a positive and uplifting experience. And it wasn't really religiously tilted. There was some scripture but it came more from the perspective of an experienced therapist and clinician and all that she has gleaned from her work. (And the leaders love NPR, which immediately endeared them to me.) The leader, Beck Unternaher, with the help of her husband, John Blosser, decided to focus on the positives of relationships, relating that the happiest marriages are those that tend to focus on their strengths rather than weaknesses. So that's what we did. With the use of colored pencils and pens, little craft projects, the use of delightful Cd's (including a hilarious William Shatner song), and dialogue exercises, we built an image of what is strong and healthy about our relationship.
We learned that 69% of all conflicts in marriage are unresolvable. Most felt very freed by this knowledge, while it made others feel somewhat hopeless. I like it. We might as well let go of the things that aren't going to get worked out and focus on what we can.
We learned about "the dream in conflict" and about bidding. I learned that when Brian decides to give me a blow-by-blow of the current temperature on a long drive that he is bidding for my attention and I shouldn't get annoyed and start screaming about how I don't care about the current temp. The conversation referred to went something like this:
Brian: It's 6 degrees.
3 miles pass
Brian: It's 8 degrees now.
5 miles pass.
Brian: I can't believe it's really 9 degrees in Leesburg. That has to be wrong.
2 miles pass.
Brian: It's back down to 6 degrees.
1 mile passes.
Brian: I bet it's going to be 8 degrees in Warsaw.
Lisa: You are such an old man. Why are you obsessed with the temperature?
Brian (hurt): Fine. I'm not going to tell you what temperature it is anymore.
We enter Warsaw. I feel bad.
Lisa: So what is the temperature?
Brian: I'm not telling you. You're a jerk.
So, we learned and laughed a lot. This retreat was AMAZING and I would gladly attend one again. (Especially one led by Beck and John.)
2 comments:
Oh my, I hear Brian's father and I having conversations about 1) gas prices as we pass the station, and 2) whether we are going to make the green light or not. I must learn to heed bidding!
Ahhh...so once again I am reminded that Brian is turning into his father. Interesting.
And yes, It sounds like Jim is bidding. I am trying to pay attention to the bids - even if they aren't bids I necessarily enjoy.
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