Sticks and Stones...*Warning: Feminist Rant to Follow*

“All right, ladies, let’s get to work. I called you a lady to humiliate you. It’s a motivational tactic we coaches use.” - Sponge Bob Square Pants

Something has been bothering me a lot in the last few years and it seems like I'm becoming more and more aware of it - and more sensitive about it. I am sick and tired of men cutting each other down by, in essence, calling someone a female. It occurs in a lot of different ways, and by using many different phrases. And I can barely stomach it anymore. Some examples of phrases I have recently heard, from one man to another man, (and they aren't pretty):

"Don't be a girl."

"Quit being a pussy!" (We all know this means "don't be a vagina" which at its very essence means, "don't be a woman.")

"Man up."  (This one may not fit, but just sort of bothers me.)

"What are you? A woman?"

"Come on now, hike up your skirt and play."

"Who lit the fuse on your tampon string?"

There are a lot of other variations I hear that I shan't repeat here because of their vulgarity (as if the above were not vulgar enough). This drivel is unbelievable to me. Would we tell each other, or our children, not to be a black person, or a Jew, or a dirty Arab? I imagine a lot of people still do, but generally the circles I move in don't do that. But those same people (even those who are followers of Jesus) don't hesitate to throw out these little barbs of latent sexism when they wouldn't do the same regarding race.  And these are good people, people I love and even admire.  But what bothers me most is that these are men who have daughters, who are married to - and presumably love - a woman, who have mothers.  Why is this okay? 

I've heard people come back with: well, of course, a man shouldn't be something other than a man, shouldn't try to be something other than a man, and that's all these phrases allude to.   

Nice try.  We all know that this kind of language means that being a woman is "less than."  This language means that women are weak, both emotionally and physically and that there are no qualities in women that should be emulated.  It means being anything like a woman is something one should avoid at all costs, lest you be seen as weak, useless, expendable. 

It is a futile battle that I fight to get the men around me to take this seriously.  (And even most women.)  They think I'm being such a typical "girl" about it, that I'm being way too sensitive, that there's no harm in this good-natured ribbing.  (Even Brian thinks I'm off my rocker about this one.  He tries not to speak this way simply because he doesn't want to hear me rant for five minutes, not because he actually embraces what I'm saying.)  But this isn't good-natured ribbing.  This type of talk settles into our psyche, becomes part of our culture and society, and shapes our expectations of what we can become.  Look around you at how it doesn't even occur to most women to be offended at this talk!  Is it because we view ourselves this way that we simply accept it?

We have finally reached a point in our society where it is okay to raise little girls more like boys.  They can be good at sports, wear pants, get dirty, be good at math and science, and have strong wills.  I would say, typical masculine qualities.  But we are still not okay with little boys being raised in any way that resembles feminine qualities.  I don't think that women and men share identical characteristics - and viva la difference - I don't want us to be the same.  But when will we start to actually value the wonderful characteristics of females - or at the very least, not see them as the very worst? 

Too Much Information

You may think this is too much information and if you are frightened, stop reading at this point.  However, the following sort of amused me.  I will try to be as delicate as I can.

So today I canned tomatoes with my mom.  After most of the tomatoes were in their jars and waiting for their merry little water bath, I asked my mom if I could have some ibuprofen.  She said sure, and as I padded off to the bathroom to procure the tablets she asked, "Do you have a headache?"  I replied "no."

When I returned to the kitchen she said, "You know the Amish say you should never can tomatoes when you are menstruating because your jars won't seal." 

I sort of wish she would have mentioned that before I nearly sabotaged our entire batch of tomatoes. 

For the record, the tomatoes sealed. 

But we may not be out of the woods yet.

When I went to my knitting group (after canning) I mentioned what I had been doing that afternoon.  I didn't, of course, mention the delicate matter mentioned above.  Wouldn't you know, one of the women brought up this old wives' tale.  How have I gone my whole life without being aware of this information?

I wondered to myself if it could be hormonal,  perhaps a chemical that escapes through the pores.  There had to be a scientific explanation for this sage wisdom.  So I researched a little.  Turns out that even though our jars sealed, we are still in danger of those tomatoes spoiling in the jar.  AND, I shouldn't have even walked into the garden today because women who are in their oh-so-special "time of the month" are NOT to be around the crops - ESPECIALLY tomatoes or cucumbers!  And heaven forbid you can the cucumbers during that time because it sounds like all kinds of bad things will happen. 

But you can walk around the cabbage.  It might even be good for the cabbage.

One theory I read is that women back in the day, often with many young children and a demanding husband, had to find ways to take a break.  It's the old Red Tent idea.  They claimed it would spoil the food, ruin the canning process, whatever, and then they were able to take a load off.  I really hope this is the case rather than a fearful male population thinking that women are unclean. 

At any rate, I apologize to my dear mother if we all end up with botulism.

Somebody's Got My Number

I have been getting these delightful buttons in my church mailbox and they tickle me pink...and have me completely perplexed. I really can't imagine who is tucking these delightful pieces of flair into my church mailbox, especially since I attend a congregation that is, in general, a bit more conservative than I am. And because of that I generally try to keep my liberal and feminist ways under control but perhaps I'm more transparent than I realized. It's really fun to know that I have a sort of co-conspirator at church who, at least in part, shares my free spirit. In case my secret flair-giver is reading this, thank you for these little messages that make me smile.

The First Piece of Flair I Received

My Second Piece of Flair

The Most Recent Flair Received