Weak Week

*WARNING* What follows could be classified as a pity party and has been known in the state of California to cause birth defects and extreme irritation on the part of the reader.

I have never been so happy to bid sayonara to a week than I am to this one.  And here I was just getting ready to write an entry in which I exclaimed from the mountain tops that I am the happiest and healthiest I have ever been.  Thanks universe, for reminding me that life is full of poop.


The week began with a debilitating cold that made me waste an entire weekend sleeping and feeling miserable.  When I wasn't sleeping I was wallowing - and producing more snot than one can possibly fathom.  


Already in a weakened state, I received news on Monday that triggered an 18 hour crying jag.  Granted, I am prone to bouts of crying when I am sick (please tell me this happens to others) but this episode was really quite epic.  I still have a headache from it.


Now, weakened and depressed, my neck decided to become kinked, rendering me sleepless.  I even tried sleeping with one of those ridiculous doughnut looking travel pillows under my neck.  (Okay look, those pillows really do make sleeping on an airplane at least bearable.)  But sleep has been elusive.

Weakened, depressed, and tired, I began yesterday in a very precarious state of mind.  But hope springs eternal and there are always little things to look forward to in a day - like the mail delivery.  I love getting the mail.  I look forward to bringing in the mail.  Sometimes I know it's there and I make myself wait to go get it because the anticipation is just such fun.  But yesterday, the mail carrier approached the house - and just walked on by. 

Hours later I received an email informing me that my favorite store in town, The Shuttle Shop, is closing.  This is my local yarn store - where I learned how to knit and how to knit confidently.  This is where my shy, insecure self branched out and met new friends.  This is the cozy little shop with the fun and quirky owner and where I spent hours sitting on the sweetly battered furniture knitting away happily.  This is where I developed a hobby that I love and a past-time that relieves stress.  This is a refuge in this town for me.  So somehow this felt like the final resounding blow on this already battered spirit.  It felt like every part of my sunny disposition exploded in a gory pool around me.


So when Brian walks in this door in a few minutes and our weekend officially begins, I am shedding this week like an over-ripe snake skin.  I am letting it go and I am going to be happy again.  Because that's how I normally am.  And that's how I choose to be.


Happy weekend to you all.

Allelujah! The Great Storm is Over

I thought I'd give a little update. It would appear that my medication has kicked in!

Despite:

• It being colder than is reasonable for any human being to endure
• My car being crushed by a giant tree limb last week and it being in the shop until the 24th
• Brian's loan vehicle, a sweet Gary's Mobile Home Sales van, freezing up at work and being back down to one vehicle
• Having to run around to various appointments today

I am in a good mood!!!

It just feels really nice right now to wake up feeling okay - without feeling like the weight of the world is on my feeble shoulders.

So, I'm going to get some work done today, get my house tidied up, and sit on our new couch tonight and enjoy a movie or two with my favorite guys (Reggie and Brian). Tomorrow I learn to knit socks. All is right with the world.

Unwanted Guest

The end of 2008 found me hosting an unwanted visitor. My old nemesis: Depression.

At first he came around, knocking softly at my door. I told him I didn't want what he was selling, he was unwelcome, and that he should go step in front of a bus.

Then he started pounding at my door during the afternoon and tapping on my windows late at night. He would confront me while I walked from my house to my car. He was a real nag. But I kept my distance and played it cool. I was on to his tricks, my guard was up, and I was determined he would not wear me down and gain a foothold in my home.

Finally, one day, when I wasn't paying attention, he slipped inside while the door was swinging shut behind me. He settled in to stay. And he is a total jerk! Next he snuck in his punk kid-sister, Anxiety. She has no manners whatsoever and demands so much of my attention.

Eventually their cousins, Lethargy and Guilt moved in as well.

I am not happy with this hostile take-over. At all. I can’t get anything done with them running around. I’m miserable. All I want to do is sleep. It feels a little like I have to pretend to be myself right now.

But, I have talked to my doctor and hopefully my “houseguests” will be packing their bags and hitting the road soon.

While I debated sharing this on this blog, I decided it wasn’t healthy to portray myself only as a cheerful, energetic person with no cares in the world. And I thought some of you might like an explanation as to why I haven't really been myself. We all have our demons we battle and this just happens to be one of mine. So I haven’t felt like blogging. Nothing’s been fun or funny in months, it seems. But hopefully I’ll be back to myself before long…and you’ll be wishing I would lay off the blogging already!

I Quit, I Give Up

If you read my post on Friday, you are aware that it was a rough day. It continued to get worse (with one bright spot that I'm still trying to figure out how to write about here). But the whole week was a real downer, a bonafide bummer of a week.

To continue the horrible Friday. Before going to the grocery store, Brian and I stopped at the post office (to mail letters) and the pharmacy (to pick up my new stupid fluoride toothpaste prescription). We get to the pharmacy and we cannot find the script for the stupid toothpaste. Harsh looks and sighs were exchanged and Brian claimed he never saw the blue piece of paper that was clearly on the top of the stack that I handed him to be in charge of. (To be fair to Brian, it was a huge stack, including bank deposits, car payments, library books, mail, and a prescription script.) Turns out we threw the script in the post office box with the outgoing mail. (The post office called me which I find embarrassing because they now know all about my bad teeth.)

Then we head to the grocery store and they have rearranged the whole goodness-saken' store! The bread is on the opposite side of the store, I can't find the soy sauce, and our shopping cart veers to the left. And clearly the person who is in charge of this overhaul does not enjoy food or anything to do with eating because the store makes no sense whatsoever. It was the wrong day to do that crap to me. Poor Brian worked so hard to get my spirits up. And he was wonderful.

On Saturday, while getting ready to head to my knitting class, I turned on my Coffee House Blend of music to soothe me a little and this song came on. And when it reached the refrain I stood quietly and thought "EXACTLY." It spoke to how emotionally drained I felt, and how tired I can get of trying to get eveything in life right.

I couldn't find a great clip of this song...the video is from the end of a Cold Case Episode and the song is "Circle" by Edie Brickell. (And I know the song is technically about a circle of friends - but I still thought it fit my attitude fairly well.)


But this week I have vowed to turn things around. I have renewed my resolve to remain positive. (As long as the dentist doesn't call me about scheduling an appointment for my molar's coronation.)