Lisa and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I woke up with upsetting news still running through my mind, I didn't have any creamer for my coffee and I didn't even have any milk in the house so my coffee tasted gross, the library book I'm half way through couldn't be renewed because someone had requested it, the perma-cloud had settled over Indiana, I had a dentist appointment at noon, and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

To start with, I discovered last week that my tires are bald and will need to be replaced soon, or at least before winter. Goodbye $300 dollars.

Then I discovered that I forgot to record a check (to a charity no less) into my checking account which resulted in TWO non-sufficient fund fees to the tune of $62. I'm normally really careful about these things so I'm FURIOUS at myself.

And to top it all off, I had a dentist appointment at noon. And honestly, going to the dentist is the most miserable thing I do twice a year. And it's not because of any pain that might occur there. They can pick at my teeth, polish them with gross grainy polish, and make my gums bleed all day long. Doesn't really bother me. What bothers me is the cotton-pickin' guilt trip they send me on every time I'm there!

"How much pop do you drink?"

"Do you drink coffee? Is it with sweetener? Is there sugar in your creamer or artificial sweeteners? Why don't you read the label?"

"Do you floss? How often?"

"Are you using the fluoride that we prescribed to you? Are you using it regularly?"

LEAVE ME ALONE! I come in twice a year consistently and responsibly. NO, I don't floss everyday or use your stupid prescription fluoride EVERY night before I go to bed, and I can't function without my coffee and creamer in the morning, and I have a Mt. Dew every now and again FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME? Evidently they would like me to lie a lot and make promises I do not intend to keep because that is exactly what happens every time I go to the dentist. They make me squirmy and I start sweating bullets under their intense inquisition and threats until the lies come flowing out of my mouth. These people should work in the police department coercing innocent citizens into confessing crimes they did not commit because these dental professionals are good.

I may not be the poster child for the dental care community but I'm sure I'm not the worst patient they have either. By far. I try. I really do.

So to get back at me for trying to be a good dental citizen but not measuring up to their lofty standards, they declared that I have two cavities and a tooth that will explode if it does not receive a crown. (Alright, the tooth won't explode but a piece might break off.) And I innocently ask the price of a crown at the front desk...and it is a royal price of $1,148.00. That crown better come adorned with rubies and diamonds. Do you know what kind of good could be done in this world with $1,148.00!?!?!? And that's not even covering the two stupid cavities I need to have filled.

And now Brian wants to go grocery shopping. (We haven't actually been grocery shopping in...well a long time.) So we'll get to drop an ungodly amount of money on food now. And shopping with Brian can be like shopping with a seven year old where I'll have to endure him trying to sneak peanut M&M's into the cart and listen to him whine about how he needs Pop Tarts. And I'll have to gently and constantly remind him that Her Majesty the Molar needs a crown and that the serfs will have to go without their cake for awhile.

I am so ready to move to a commune now and live off the land, toothless and happy, and free of money woes.